The very word evokes an excited, delicious feel. It’s something that we’ve all felt at times. Towards our work, in our interests, for our purpose, and of course, in our interactions with people we love. In intimate relationship, it seems to be a highly valued, yet often elusive energy to hold. It also seems an accepted ‘fact’ that the longer we spend together, the less passion we will have, as if it’s just to be shrugged off as an ‘oh well, that’s what happens.’
But does it really have to?
- What if you felt more and more passion the longer you stay in relationship?
- What if it felt like that ‘honeymoon period’ was your natural dynamic?
- What if passion was just a practice away?
They’re big claims. And although they sound like marketing questions for the next aphrodisiac product*, they are very real, compelling questions we can ask ourselves. If you notice that reading those, your response is something close to hesitation or doubt, you are not alone – AND – probably going to benefit the most from the following practices.
*Note – aphrodisiac products can be totally fun and interesting to try, opt for the natural herbal remedies, teas, scents and health foods – you’ve got nothing to lose!
We all want to connect, feel seen, loved, admired, safe, embraced, and… wanted.
It feels good to be desired. To feel that spark. The heat of want. The passion in your lover’s eyes. The warmth rise in your body and take over. The deliciousness of touch. The inhibited acts of sensual love…
Passion is more than lust. More than shallow attraction. It’s a deep pull between energies. Between opposite energies to be exact. And I don’t mean women and men. I mean the energies behind our gender. Masculine and feminine. This can be between men and women, men and men, and women and women. A woman will often embody her masculine and a man can be in touch with his feminine.
We all have both energies inside us. We need them for different parts of our lives. We embody them and change them according to what the moments asks of us, and what our patterns are. And we all have one that we call home. This can be an intriguing enquiry to pursue on your own – finding that one core energy that you most feel alive, grounded, and content. *Refer to David Deida’s work on intimacy, if you’re interested.
So, think of passion as an opposite attraction, like the attraction of a magnet. The two ends are forcefully pulled together. They yearn to be connected. To become one whole. When the energies are the same on those ends, however, they repel. Just like in intimate attraction – there is no sense of polarity. This leads to a lack of spark and desire, and a little more neutrality in a sexual sense.
You feel that kind of neutrality when you interact with someone who’s interacting with the same energy as you. When feminine meets feminine. You talk, connect, love each other’s company, but if you are both grounded in your feminine, you may not be thinking about how much you’d love to plant your lips all over them in that moment. Same goes with your partner – even if they are of an opposite gender, that does not mean that right at that moment they will be in opposite energy. Think of having a pleasant dinner with one another – you talk about your day, share ideas, gossip. The energies are a little more neutral in both of you to allow this easeful flow. This isn’t a bad thing. You’ll do this many times during your relationship, probably multiple times a day. Though if you’re looking for more heated gazes to pass between you during your day, or fire in the bedroom where things have become the same, or just a different spark of energy to your regular daily routine, then practicing polarity between energies is key.
It’s important to also know that being in polar opposite energies makes things a little more challenging. The feminine will want to converse, flow, and move. The masculine will yearn to be rooted in stillness, depth and quiet. Can you see how these two energies can clash? That’s what we want! The clashing is the spark. The feeling into the other so deeply that you it feeds your movement with stillness. The masculine is attracted by the life energy of the feminine, as it is different to the natural instinct of depth. Each energy gives the other something vastly different, intriguing, delicious and inviting. So inviting that the energies must touch, melt, and go deeper within each other – and there you have passionate intimacy.
“Practice, practice and all will COME.’
The following exercises are practical and extremely fun ways to curiously (and sexily) embody the two different energies with a partner. You can switch between them, play around with the different sides, try different variations of the practices, and above all, don’t take yourself too seriously!
Listed below are some qualities that belong to these two different energies. If this is a new topic for you, then have a look for reference so you can draw from these concepts and notice them in both yourself and your partner.
Masculine: Protect & provide, direct, intensity, single focus, power, goal-oriented, tense, explosive, quiet, more closed/hard, and yang.
Feminine: Nurture & nourish, indirect, flowing, diffuse awareness, connection-oriented, soft, talkative, open, receptive, expressive, and yin.
Practice #1: Eye Gazing Energies
Before you begin, choose which partner will embody masculine and which will embody feminine. (Remember, it isn’t just limited to gender).
Both partners sit comfortably, with open body language, opposite one another. Match your posture (both cross legged on the bed, for example).
Begin to match your breath to your partner. Notice how deep and slow they breathe, and you’ll find a rhythm harmonious for both of you.
Look into your partner’s left eye (this helps to not have a hazy gaze and lose focus). Have a soft, loving gaze, and notice which happens to your breath. Notice if it feels vulnerable, or a little weird. That’s ok. Breathe out whatever insecurities or judgments that come up. After a while, you’ll begin to look past your partner’s body, and through their eye into their heart. Stay in the experience, without smiling, diffusing the energy or breaking the stillness. Let the energy build and deepen.
The masculine’s role in the exercise is to be the container. To hold the stillness, focus, intensity, and sense of conscious presence that is natural to this yang energy. Your role is to stay present with your feminine partner, and see all of who they are. To really see, and be.
The feminine will feel this presence, and feel, after a while, an energy bubbling. This is the feminine’s life force. The natural reaction of the feminine, that need to move, flow, open. The more deep the masculine consciousness, the more flowing the life of the feminine. The presence literally brings out the movement of feminine energy.
The feminine’s role here is to express. To allow an expression to arise from being so receptive of how the masculine’s presences feels, and to show it to them. This means that when the feminine feels for a moment the masculine’s gaze avert, glaze over or distract in some way, then the feminine expresses in their face how it felt. It could be a pout or a frown. This will snap the masculine back, and the feminine will express again the pleasure of having them back. Don’t use sounds for this first part.
The feminine will start to feel the energy bubble more, literally compelling them to move. They can begin to move arms and spine, head and body, while maintaining eye contact. Express how this still, deep, presence makes you feel through the vessel of your body. The masculine is to stay in the depth. The intensity. The stillness.
The feminine can now begin to make sounds. Small hums of pleasure. Of contentment. Of pain when then masculine seems to drift away. Constantly pulling the masculine back.
There will be a moment when it feels appropriate for the masculine to slowly begin to touch the feminine, maintaining eye contact and presence. The feminine reacts to the touch, expresses how present and conscious the touch feels. Start just touching hands and arms, legs and hips at first. Draw it out and let it build.
Let this practice naturally progress into whatever arises from there, but stay with the connection, and the expression. The polarity will drive your experience to bliss.
Practice #2: 3-Minute Game
It may sound like a teen house party game, but it is so much more than that.
Have a timer handy. Do this somewhere comfortable where you won’t be disturbed.
Each round consists of 6 minutes.
For 3 minutes:
Partner #1: I would like to touch you like ‘this’
Partner #2: Yes/No
Partner #1 proceeds to touch Partner #2 in that way for 3 minutes.
Next 3 minutes:
Partner #2: I would like you to touch me like ‘this’
Partner #1: Yes/No
Partner #1 proceeds to touch Partner #2 for 3 minutes.
Note: The touching may be innocent at first, starting slowly and gentle, maybe a massage or gentle stroking of the skin. Also, the ‘yes/no’ is important, and can be said in a lovingly/sexy way.
The next 6 minutes the roles will be reverse, having Partner #2 be the one to now touch Partner #1 twice.
Continue for as long as you desire! 3 minutes can very well turn into 3 hours!
Read up, and heat up!
These practices will not only aid in creating more passionate intimate experience. They will bring into your dynamic of daily interaction a sense of embodying a deeper layer of energy behind the words you say, the way you touch, how you look at each other and how you express yourselves. There is so much work on this area, and for further (highly recommended) self study refer to all works by David Deida.
More on loving, embodied relationships:
- 101 ways to show yourself some love.
- How to make space for new relationships.
- How to love one another, according to fifteen people.
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